


Won't you look (into my eyes)

by Aminte



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Jealous Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), M/M, Modern Era, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Oblivious Merlin (Merlin), Possessive Behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:54:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27238372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aminte/pseuds/Aminte
Summary: Wherever he went, eyes followed.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 232
Collections: Merlin Autumn Exchange 2020





	Won't you look (into my eyes)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [temporalSilence](https://archiveofourown.org/users/temporalSilence/gifts).



> This is my gift for the exchange <3 hopefully you'll like it!

It wasn’t like he paid any special attention, he simply happened to notice.

It was hard not to.

The way people gravitated towards _him_.

_Merlin._

Tall, slim, clumsy.

Merlin with his long legs and elegant hands that made things from scratch like it was magic.

Merlin with his messy dark locks, sharp cheekbones and full lips, smiling, grinning, opening to let out loud peals of laughter ( _“Hey Arthur, now who is walking on his knees?”)_

Merlin with his blue, _blue_ eyes. Widening in wonderment, crinkling in mirth, glimmering with tears, searching and _searching_ , looking at everyone else until they finally stop on him ( _Please, don’t look at me, not like this, I don’t think I could survive it)._

Merlin, who had been his best friend since the fateful day he stopped him from bullying another boy, more than a decade ago.

“What are you looking at?” asked a voice behind him, effectively interrupting his reverie.

The loud music and the sounds of people talking over one another came back full force, reminding him that he was at a party and supposed to be having fun.

He turned to scowl at his sister.

Morgana was stunning in her shimmery dress and high heels, the makeup emphasizing the pale green of her eyes.

She walked the few steps that separated them and casually linked their arms, her other hand holding a glass of champagne.

“Who would’ve thought that Arthur Pendragon, flirt extraordinaire, would be sulking in a corner instead of romancing the unsuspecting female population at this party?” she taunted before taking a sip of her glass

“I don’t feel like it, that’s all” he grumbled “What are you doing here anyway? You should be with Gwen”

The mention of her girlfriend made Morgana smile.

“She looks gorgeous tonight, doesn’t she?” she said, pointing towards Guinevere, who was wearing a deep green dress and was talking and laughing with her brother Elyan and some of their friends.

“You were lucky you got to her before I did” said Arthur, the ghost of a smile barely quirking his lips

“She’s too smart to fall for you” snorted her sister before a smirk appeared on her painted lips and she patted his forearm, almost patronizingly.

“You haven’t told me what you were looking at. Unless, it wasn’t something but rather _someone_ who has caught your attention”

Arthur’s eyes narrowed and he shook Morgana’s arm off his, before turning to face her, arms crossed in front of his chest.

“What are you getting at?” he asked, face feeling uncomfortably hot

His sister’s expression turned even more devilish, if possible.

“I was just going to say that you’ve been here staring at Merlin since the party started but you haven’t spoken a single word to him all night. Did something happen?”

And wasn’t that the question, in the end. He had wondered the same, day after day, for a while now.

Did something happen? 

A lifetime of Merlin turning heads wherever he went. Of seeing him tumbling in and out of random men’s beds.

Of Arthur sleeping around with whatever women were available. Making good use of the twenty years spent building a reputation as a heartbreaker.

Did something happen?

Years upon years of friendship tainted by concealed desire. By his inability to look at Merlin in the eye whenever one of them came back from a night spent in someone else’s arms, afraid of what he might see.

Did something happen, aside from the _thing_ that made him choke on air at the sight of teeth marks on Merlin’s neck? Of the _thing_ that made him want to break everything around him when Merlin greeted him with kiss stained lips and a sated expression?

Did something change? Or had the burn deep inside his chest always been there, lurking? Waiting its moment to light up at one of Merlin’s little smiles, the ones just for him?

“Arthur? Arthur, are you ok?”

Morgana’s voice was tinted with concern and the touch of her hand was soft and hesitant on his shoulder.

He let his head hang low and he shook it, blonde fringe swinging.

“I don’t know anymore” he mumbled “Maybe I should go back to my room”

He left without another word.

* * *

Morgana found Merlin chatting with Lance and Gwaine, who had his arm slung over his shoulders.

He was laughing at something, his drink spilling with the movement.

“Merlin!” she yelled, having to raise her voice to be heard over the crowd

“Oh! Morgana! Finally decided to join the peasants?” asked Gwaine, taking a mocking bow

“Shut up. I need Merlin” she said for all explanation before grabbing Merlin’s arm and dragging him outside of the flat.

“Don’t we all” quipped Gwaine raising his glass at their retreating figures before resuming his earlier conversation.

Out in the corridor Merlin was leaning against the wall looking at Morgana expectantly.

“Ok, what happened?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow, mischief twinkling in his eyes “If this is about avoiding Valiant, he’s only here because---”

“It’s not Valiant” she interrupted before biting her lip “It’s Arthur”

Merlin’s earlier playful expression disappeared immediately, being replaced by a frown.

“Is he ok? I thought he seemed a bit queasy before. Do you think he might be ill?”

Morgana shook her head.

“I’m not sure but something’s definitely wrong with him…”

Merlin nodded to himself before opening the door and making his way towards Arthur’s bedroom.

“But what about your party?!” she called

“Doesn’t matter now! Could you please take care of it? I’m going to check on Arthur”

Morgana nodded and closed the door, unable to fight the fond smile that appeared on her face at Merlin’s concern.

* * *

Even though he had turned off the lights, Arthur couldn’t sleep.

The music, the laughter.

_The thoughts of Merlin swirling in his mind._

_Did something happen?_ Morgana had asked.

Everything? Nothing? How does one describe the moment when a life of lying to yourself comes crashing down, like a house of cards?

He turned to the side, trying to get comfortable when the unexpected assault of fluorescent lights made him wince.

“Arthur?” asked a too familiar voice

“Merlin? What are you doing here?” he mumbled, voice rough

“Dancing the macarena” replied his friend, rolling his eyes “What do you think? I came to see if you were alright”

“ ‘M fine” he replied, moving away when the brunette tried to touch his forehead.

Merlin frowned and Arthur barely had a second to recognize the dangerous glint in his flatmate’s eyes before he found himself struggling to keep away from him.

They rolled in Arthur’s bed until, by some miracle, Merlin managed to pin him down.

Arthur swallowed; his throat suddenly dry.

Merlin was straddling him, legs on each side of Arthur’s hips. His weight warm and welcome, making him aware of the small distance separating them.

Merlin was supporting himself with his hands, his upper body hovering over Arthur’s.

They were close.

Too close.

Arthur could smell the faint traces of his friend’s cologne and hints of what could only be described as pure _Merlin._

He felt his body quiver.

The worst part was having his best friend’s face so near his own, so close he could count the tiny freckles that summer had gifted him, if he wanted to.

They stayed like that, frozen in time, doing nothing but look at each other.

Arthur was mesmerized by the different shades of blue and the odd flecks of gold in Merlin’s eyes, by their inscrutable depth and alluring light.

He turned his head.

He could feel more than hear Merlin’s huff, and suddenly their distance increased.

“Merlin?” he asked, glancing at him as he sat up

“You know, I thought that we trusted each other”

Arthur frowned in confusion and tried to seat up, ending up in an awkward angle because Merlin was still straddling him.

“What are you talking about?”

“Obviously you’re upset with me! You’ve been avoiding me for _weeks_. And you…you haven’t looked me in the eye for even longer…I wish you would be honest with me. I can’t make things right if you don’t tell me what I did”

Arthur couldn’t help the burst of hysterical, desperate laughter that escaped his lips.

The brunette smacked his chest, hard. The sting made Arthur stop laughing immediately.

He raised his eyes to Merlin’s face.

His cheeks were flushed, his plump lips had thinned into a harsh line and his eyes were piercing as swords.

It was an expression he had seldomly seen in his friend’s face and one that had his heartbeat buzzing in his ears.

Merlin was _furious_.

He got up in a swift move, without any of his usual clumsiness.

“What’s gotten into you?! I’m trying to fix things and all you do is laugh at me! What’s so funny about that? I’ve been worried sick that I had done something wrong, something that had _hurt_ you. You’ve been distant…I’ve tried and tried to talk to you about this but you…”

Merlin bit his lip while he cleaned a few stray tears that had escaped his eyes.

“You don’t care” he finished

Arthur got up in an instant, shame and anger mixing in the pit of his stomach.

“I do care!” he retorted, standing right in front of his friend

“Then act like it!” yelled Merlin, pushing him away

But Arthur caught his wrists, pulling him flush against him.

“You want to know what you did?” he growled

Merlin’s eyes narrowed in challenge.

And Arthur couldn’t control himself anymore.

He moved forward, his lips crashing against Merlin’s, kissing him for all he was worth.

He cupped Merlin’s jaw, pulling him even closer.

He coaxed Merlin to part his lips for him and then it became a fight with lips and tongues, messy, rough, needy.

Merlin let out a deep groan and Arthur felt his whole blood ignite.

He wanted to keep kissing Merlin forever, force him to make those little sounds only for him.

Only him.

No one else, not anymore.

He moved his lips along Merlin's jaw and lower, towards his neck where he proceeded to lick and bite, guided only by the way his friend's body quivered against his.

"Arthur..." Merlin whined while Arthur bit him hard on the juncture between his neck and collarbones "Please..."

Arthur growled for all response and kept his ministrations but Merlin started pushing against his chest.

"Arthur, please" he insisted even as he tried to stiffle his moans "Stop"

And with those words, Arthur felt his stomach drop.

_What had he just done?_

He moved away from Merlin, refusing to meet his eyes.

They stayed in silence, each trying to catch their breaths.

"I'm...I'm so so sorry Merlin...I..." Arthur mumbled as he sat on the bed, head bent

He felt the bed dip with the weight of another body and he stiffened.

"Why did you do that?" Merlin asked in whisper

"Because I...I...gods, Merlin, you've been driving me crazy. I just don't know what to do anymore. Everything about you...it---I just can't---"

His friend took his hand in his and laced their fingers together.

"You can't what?"

Arthur risked a glance at him.

"I can't pretend anymore. Pretend that I'm--that I'm happy being just your friend. Having to endure day after day of you coming back from who knows whose bed and not showing how I wish it was me who had touched you. I can't---I--I want to be everything to you...just like you're everything to me. Am I sick for feeling this way? I've known you forever and I don't think there's been a single day since we first met that I haven't been in love with you. And you'll probably laugh at me for only realizing now but that's the truth of it. I think...I didn't want to know"

Merlin sighed and held his hand tighter.

"You're not alone in that, at least"

Arthur turned to fully look at him.

"Let me explain before making that face, you dollophead. I...I feel the same way. Do you think I was happy to see you come back to our flat with your clothes rumpled and stinking of perfume? To know that someone else had had you the way I wanted to? Arthur, I've been in love with you for _years"_

"Why didn't you say anything then?"

" I didn't want to acknowledge it. It was too painful, knowing you could never look at me like that. You always said I wasn't much to look at, after all"

"Are you insane? I was _joking_ , Merlin. Do you even realize the way eyes follow you everywhere? That all you have to do is look at a man and he'll fall to his knese for you? Or the stream of one night stands you've been having has somehow been erased from your mind? I can't believe this. Merlin" Arthur cupped his face and glared at him "You truly are the most beautiful man I have ever seen. And even if you weren't, the way you _shine_ is...I...ugh, you know I'm not good with words!" he complained at his friend's chuckles

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'm just nervous, ok? From all the things I expected to happen tonight this wasn't it. I never thought we'd end up like this"

"Neither did I, to be honest. I thought about avoiding you all night, actually, because the way you look made it too hard to be near you"

"That bad?"

"That _good_ "

"So what happens now?" Merlin asked, his cheeks flushing 

"Well, we could talk some more or we could...resume our earlier activities and talk in the morning if you feel like it"

"Then take me to bed, now"

For once in his life, Arthur was happy to obey.

* * *

After a couple of hours and champagne glasses, Morgana decided it was enough and went to his brother's room and drag him out herself, only to find him sound asleep with Merlin tucked against him, their bodies tangled as close as they could be, soft smiles curving their lips.


End file.
